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 David Addison's Screenplay: "Untitled."

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Myron_Bolitar

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PostSubject: David Addison's Screenplay: "Untitled."   24/8/2007, 8:22 pm

I'll post one scene for now. It won't be in proper screenplay format as you can't post in proper screenplay format on a forum. It's not an excellent scene, but I think it's a fine introduction to the main character. Besides, it's a first draft.


Last edited by on 24/8/2007, 8:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Myron_Bolitar

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PostSubject: Re: David Addison's Screenplay: "Untitled."   24/8/2007, 8:23 pm

FADE IN:

INT: Gabriel Redís apartment Ė Night

The apartment is cramped. One room. Mattress at the front of room, next to the door. A radio, a bottle of rum, a half empty pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a lamp on a table at the foot of the mattress. Beyond that is a fridge next to a counter with a hotplate on it. At the end of room is a window with a view of more dingy apartment buildings, small restaurants, a subway station, and lights flashing from the neon sign on the corner bar. Itís lightly snowing outside. The radio is playing the news. Gabriel Red is lying on the mattress with a notebook open on his lap.

GABRIEL RED, mid 30s, fairly attractive. Has messy hair and stubble on his face. Heís listening to an interview with a policeman on the news.

NEWSPERSON (v.o.)
Is there anything more you can tell us about Damien Lauderís murder or murderer?

POLICEMAN (v.o.)
Iím afraid not. Weíve given out all the information we can, regarding Damien Lauderís murder. I will say this. Despite the rumors that have been flying around all weekend, Lauder was not a victim of a serial killer.

Thereís a knock at the door. Gabriel shuts the book closed and turns the radio to a music station.

GABRIEL
Come in.

WILLIAM, 40ish, mustached and slightly overweight African American, opens the door and steps in.

WILLIAM
Hey, Gabe. Weíre starting a poker game down in the rec room. You in?

Gabriel fakes a yawn.

GABRIEL
Nah. Iím probably gonna pass out soon.

WILLIAM
Itís 9:30. Whatís someone your age doing, passing out at 9:30?

GABRIEL
Iím not that young. And Iím nearly drunk.

Gabriel points the half empty bottle of rum.

GABRIEL (cont)
Perfect time to pass out.

WILLIAM
We need more people for a good game. Get your drunken ass up and try to feign interest.

GABRIEL
Just go get some of the guys on the street. Iím sure theyíd be happy to take your money.

WILLIAM
Youíve been in this small room all weekend. Come on.

Gabriel fakes another yawn.

GABRIEL
Iíve got nothing to bet with.

WILLIAM
Of course you donít. Thatís why you live here. Weíre only playing for nickels and dimes.

GABRIEL
Iíve literally got nothing. No nickels. No dimes. I spent my last bit of money on rum and pizza. Iím seeing my brother in-law tomorrow and he said heíd loan me a few dollars. Iíll play tomorrow.

WILLIAM
You still see your brother in-law?

Gabriel smiles faintly.

GABRIEL
Only when I need money.

Gabriel opens his book again.

WILLIAM
Whatcha reading?

Gabriel looks up.

GABRIEL
Itís a scrapbook. Iíve been working on it since Julia died.

WILLIAM
What kind of scrapbook? Something sappy? Full of wedding pictures and other cherished memories?

GABRIEL
(laughing)
Not quite. This is something very different. Iíll let you know what it is when Iíve finished it. I canít tell you now, though.

William grins.

WILLIAM
Well thatís just making me more curious. Címon, you can tell me. Iím not gonna tell anyone.

GABRIEL
Sorry, Will. But itís of major importance, and it needs to stay secret. Iíll tell you this, though. If all goes as planned, the police, the F.B.I., the entire government is gonna want to give me a fucking medal.

William holds a blank stare for a moment.

WILLIAM
Um, yeah. Well, stay cool. Iíll see you tomorrow. Oh, also, the bathroom on this floor is out of order, so youíre going to have to go downstairs to take a piss. The other bathroom is on the second floor.

GABRIEL
Thanks for the advice. Could you pass me that shit on your way out?

Gabriel points to the lighter, the cigarettes, and the rum. William passes Gabriel stuff and walks out. Gabriel takes a swig, gets up, goes over to his phone, picks up the receiver and dials.
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Ruse Of Metacarpi
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PostSubject: Re: David Addison's Screenplay: "Untitled."   24/8/2007, 8:27 pm

Not bad. Pretty natural interaction. When you post the rest, I'll read it.

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Myron_Bolitar

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PostSubject: Re: David Addison's Screenplay: "Untitled."   24/8/2007, 8:29 pm

Thanks. Yeah, I figure I'm pretty good with dialogue. I just don't find anything I've written original in the slightest.
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PostSubject: Re: David Addison's Screenplay: "Untitled."   24/8/2007, 8:57 pm

Myron_Bolitar wrote:
Thanks. Yeah, I figure I'm pretty good with dialogue. I just don't find anything I've written original in the slightest.
Maybe from a screenwriting POV it seems unoriginal, but a good director/cinematographer/editor can make it work.

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